In this special Father's Day edition of the Saturday Morning Muse, Andrew Temte reflects on the essential role of fathers in shaping their children's lives. He shares a top 10 list of skills that every dad should focus on, emphasizing the importance of self-love, emotional intelligence, and financial literacy. Temte encourages fathers to embrace their journey of continuous improvement and to model these skills for their children, highlighting that being a dad is a lifelong learning experience.

This morning, I’m going to read an excerpt from my first book, Balancing Act: Teach, Coach, Mentor, Inspire. The point of today’s Muse is to shine a bright light on our responsibility as leaders to hone the skills of self-awareness and engaging in challenging conversations.

The challenge we face is that critical thinking is hard. The easy path is to not question, not ask ‘why,’ and not dig for deeper meaning and root cause. The more difficult, but ultimately more rewarding path is to challenge fixed belief systems, internal biases, and recognize that when we deflect and point fingers at others, three more are pointing right back at us.

My goal with this muse is to gently, but purposefully change the arc of the conversation in corporate circles around the concept of empathy and empathetic leadership. In my opinion, empathy is great, but it lacks two essential ingredients—the willingness/ability to help, and the ability to detach. Compassion represents a logical extension of empathy as it combines the ability to recognize someone else’s feelings and the motivation to help them do something about it. This addition of the motivation to help requires an ability to separate or detach oneself from the challenge the other person is experiencing. Without this ability to mentally detach, their challenge or pain becomes yours and carrying around that emotional burden will ultimately lead to your own exhaustion and burnout. Yes, it’s awesome that you feel another’s pain and want to help alleviate it, but if it’s at the expense of your own well-being, what’s the point?

If I’m living my personal purpose in both life and work and striving toward my long-term personal vision, then the likelihood that I feel unworthy of my successes is reduced because my success is more genuine to me and, no pun intended, purposeful. So if natural feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt creep in, I can remind myself that my success didn’t come out of nowhere, but was instead the result of planning, skill, and hard work.

What I do know is that reducing the negative feelings that accompany my imposter syndrome has distinct benefits. My anxiety is much more manageable, I’m happier and feel more fulfilled, and I believe I’m a better parent, partner, and friend. So how did I reduce my exposure to imposter syndrome? I defined and connected to my personal purpose.

To add value and deliver results, one must be appropriately educated and skilled in one’s chosen field. Continuing to add value throughout one’s career requires the adoption of a lifelong learning and continuous improvement mindset. Resting on one’s laurels and previous accomplishments is never a good idea. While it’s easy to grouse and complain that we live in a “what have you done for me lately world,” the better path is to adopt the mindset that success comes from continuous learning and improvement in outcomes and results. If failure occurs, learn and move forward.

You see, developing a robust professional network takes time, energy, and skill. Contrary to the common perceptions noted above, everyone can build an impactful professional network. Doing so requires a host of human skills (a.k.a., soft skills) such as communication, influence, critical thinking, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, active listening, persistence, drive, courage, intention, and many others.

As the plane taxied out, we made a 90 degree turn onto runway 4-22, sat for 30 seconds or so, and then instead of roaring off into the sky, the engines whimpered and we made another 90 degree turn onto an adjacent empty tarmac. We all sat in relative silence, waiting for the captain to make an announcement about why our takeoff was aborted. We waited, waited, and waited some more.

Far too often, when confronted with a challenge, we talk. We talk to deflect. We talk because we don’t know what else to do. We talk to release nervous energy. To make matters worse, when we start talking, we usually start relaying a story of a similar challenge that’s happened to us. The individual who’s going through the challenge doesn’t want to hear about our suffering or similar situation, they want to be heard.

You might be reading this as an early career professional, filled with the sense of invincibility that accompanies those initial two decades of your working life. I can directly attest that these years are gone in what seems like an instant. The ravages of time will catch up to you. If you allow these ravages to get the best of you—if you succumb to comfort—if you allow the recliner to wrap its appealing but selfish arms around you—”old age” will come sooner.